A new Voice Unearthed blog post, “We were not educated about the different approaches,” the eighth in a series of interviews that shaped the narrative of my next book, VoiceS Unearthed: The Impact of Early Intervention on Those Who Continue to Stutter. (Names of interviewees have been changed for reasons of confidentiality.)
Trudi, mom to 11-year-old Clare
Trudi’s daughter went in to therapy feeling good about herself and left feeling rubbish. “You’re saying stammering is okay but on the other hand here are some techniques to use to not stammer.”
“We were not educated about the different approaches. When we started out, I didn’t know anything about it or that there even were different approaches. We just did what the therapist said.
First the therapy was special time at least five minutes a day which was actually a lot harder than it sounds. It was one-on-one, slow type of game, or play with her dolls or do a puzzle but no pressure on her to speak. We were to acknowledge what she was saying, follow her lead, use good eye contact, listening, responding, etc.
I don’t think she knew it was about her speech, not at first. They did say you shouldn’t keep it taboo. If she is stammering, you can say ‘it was a bit bumpy.’ When I’d say that, she’d say ‘ya I know my speech is like that – so shut up.’
We did get a different stammering therapist for two or three years. We carried on with special time, and the new speech therapist talked about the iceberg* – and also did a tool kit. Our daughter was okay with it, but she would ask, ‘when can we play a game?’ She didn’t really want to do the tool kit stuff. We stopped because she was getting on well.
She was about seven or eight at this time. She attended a group therapy by the school and there were only two who stuttered. They started talking about the techniques like sliding into their words and breathing and that sort of thing and she got upset. She started feeling like she hated the way she talked. She went in feeling good about herself and left feeling rubbish. I think the message is a bit ambiguous – on one hand you’re saying stammering is okay but on the other hand here are some techniques to use to not stammer.
A turning point:
She is now 11 and just finished group therapy – eight weeks on Zoom with two other kids her age after a break of about two years of nothing. The therapist in the latest group was apologetic about her earlier experience and admitted the other therapist wasn’t well-qualified. She did have a better experience the second time around when they didn’t use speech tools. It was all about building self-esteem, self-confidence, and talking about communication. She quite enjoyed it.
Her speech has fluctuated so much from really stammering a lot to going down to nothing. I could never see a pattern in what was increasing or decreasing her stammer. She knows if she wants to bring it up, she 100% can. I did see some writing she had done in the latest group session – she said, ‘I don’t like it when Mom says stuttering is okay.’ She’s probably thinking, ‘go away, you don’t know what it’s like to stutter.’
During the journey, she has had time when she felt shame about her stammer. She went silent for a period of time and would point at things and do sign language. She was more quiet. I remember feeling a bit panicky and I think that’s when I read your book. I was worried that she was going to stop talking and she seemed sad.
She loves drama, dancing, art, singing, but because of Covid she hasn’t been able to do dancing or drama. She hates the Zoom drama. She enjoys school. She has lots of friends. Next year it’s a whole new school so she’s going to have to start from scratch. She has done a couple of presentations to the class. I’m not sure if she’d do it now. I talk to all the teachers in advance, so she gets an equal opportunity in the class but it’s up to her whether she wants to tell her classmates. I tell them they need to give her time to reply because sometimes she blocks, and people think she’s just not talking. Don’t make her speak in front of the class if she doesn’t want to but don’t assume that she doesn’t because sometimes she does.
It takes a lot of energy to hide her stammer, to change words, to use a higher voice. She tries to control it to a degree. It’s people’s reactions. You don’t want to see the reaction in their face. At seventeen, I had panic attacks when I’d have to read in front of the class. She’s been a role model for me, speaking up in class.
I’ve learned a lot by joining the stammering groups on Facebook, hearing from other parents, and from reading your book. If parents don’ know what the options are, they’re not going to go looking for them.
I needed reassurance that what I was experiencing with my daughter was basically normal – fluctuation is universal and there’s not a solid reason why. I do get the feeling from the therapist that they have no clue. I felt I was the only one saying I didn’t know what made it worse or if there was a pattern. ‘Oh gosh, I have to find the pattern. What’s wrong with me?’ She stammers more at home; I got the feeling it’s because I’m not listening enough but is it because she’s more comfortable? She recently said she would know if the new therapy group had benefitted because she would stutter more because she would feel more comfortable.
I wish she would have gotten more on building self-esteem. There was no support for me either – how to keep things calm for her. I don’t know what they could have offered, what I would have wanted. It would have been nice if they would have offered me your book. That would have been great, to be honest. It would have been good if the therapist would have reassured you more that if you do stammer it’s not the end of the world.
They said research shows if we didn’t deal with speech right away then we would not be able to get rid of the stutter. That’s just not true. If my other child started stammering, I wouldn’t rush to a speech therapist right off.”
*https://www.stutteringhelp.org/blog/sheehan-stuttering-analogy