A new Voice Unearthed blog post, “The #1 tenant should be “do no harm,” right?,” the ninth in a series of interviews that shaped the narrative of my next book, VoiceS Unearthed: The Impact of Early Intervention on Those Who Continue to Stutter. (Names of interviewees have been changed for reasons of confidentiality.)
Tykera, mom to 14-year-old Dacquan
After years of therapy, it became clear to this mom that emotions were the main avenue to pursue. When the impact of therapy focused on emotions “becomes over a bazillion number of hours, instead of just the half hour of therapy exam.”
“Dacquan started having speech issues at age two and a half. I took him through the public health system for an assessment when he was three. At that point, I probably understood maybe 50% or 60% of what he was saying. I don’t think he was stammering yet; it was more just articulation. We were told that this was all normal disfluency or normal articulation for his age and to come back if we continued to have problems. I’ll admit, I felt a little bit dismissed.
Over the next year and a half, he began to stammer and I could only understand him about 15% to 20% of the time. When he was five, I took him back for an assessment and the speech therapist noticed both fluency and articulation issues. He was sent to therapy through the public system, and he was also referred to a private therapist.
The private therapist was amazing. I was getting so distressed at my little kiddo who was stammering and beginning to have a lot of tension. He loved seeing her. There was a lot of parent coaching – slowing down our speech turn-taking. Dacquan’s stammering basically settled down and his fluency really increased.
The private therapist felt he was doing great with his stammer, but she was still seeing articulation issues. She referred him to a speech therapist who focused more on articulation. It was supposed to be for just four to six months, but it stretched out to four years. That just went on and on and on.
In the meantime, I began to see how familial stress was impacting his speech. My husband and I separated and were divorced, and the kids were going back and forth between the two of us. I began to notice the stammering begin to reemerge and he began to hate the speech therapy. I put feeler sentences out to the therapist about things being tough at home, but none of the broader picture and the stressors it caused was really ever picked up on. The therapy itself became a massive stress.
The stammer was totally ignored by that therapist, which is probably good because she didn’t actually try to intervene for that issue. I was starting to wonder if what we were doing in therapy was impacting the stammer. A connection was never made. I felt it was basically implied that our son wasn’t working hard enough. There was this kind of fault implied. At some point I decided this was crazy. As a parent you try so hard, and his stammer only got worse.
A turning point:
He and I decided we’re going to stop with this speech therapist, and I asked him about going back to the private therapist. He agreed. Oh my God, what a relief! He loved talking to her and she got right into the bigger picture of what was happening in his life. It was really a mix of counseling along with the speech therapy knowledge and it was an incredible combination. She also touched base with me to provide counseling and support. It was an eye opener for both of us. It became clear to us that the impact of everything going on in his life was dramatically impacting his speech.
She touched on some techniques to address the physical tension and she also touched on emotions. It became clear to both of us that the emotions were the main avenue to pursue. He was a teenage boy with lots of testosterone flooding and system, displaying a lot of irritability and anger. He needed help reaching the place where he could, without denying or suppressing all of those emotions, remain functional, especially in his communication. She presented several fluency techniques as something he could experiment with, but it was not a primary focus. All of her therapy was very playful and respectful. That led to him to feeling that this therapy was a safe space for him.
Our private therapist brought both me and his older brother into the conversation and that was invaluable. So much of our younger son’s interactions were with the two of us as a family unit. We learned to slow our speech down and incorporate some pauses. It helped tremendously from a therapeutic point of view. If there’s a shift to a more positive therapy and approach to stuttering, this won’t just be for the child. The impact is going to be for the family unit and will spread into the schools and our communities.
I can’t understand how speech therapists cannot address a child’s family life and circumstances. Stress affects your body. Even if the therapist is not trained to be a professional counselor, they could just ask how it’s going at home and be a good listener. Another thing, and this could make me cry, when a child reaches a point where they hate therapy, why don’t we see that as a guidepost or an alarm signal rather than the fault of the child? I felt like I had entered a bit of fog when my brain said, ‘I’m supposed to be trusting the speech therapists, they are trained,’ but my heart started to feel that this was not okay for my child, and he really didn’t like it.
I feel that the work our private therapist did with us goes far beyond those sessions. Her sessions are so small compared to the impact of what she’s taught and modeled for me and my family unit. Then the impact becomes over a bazillion number of hours, instead of just the half hour of therapy exam. That is true power because then you’re exponentializing the impact.
Stammering isn’t just about communication. It is about connection and for the child in front of us to be able to communicate their needs, wants, dreams, and ideas. Connection should be the number one goal of the speech therapist’s role with the child. I do become furious as a parent and a family physician, to think that we do any kind of therapy that causes our children to experience and internalize shame. It can destroy their self-worth and self-value and they end up having to deal with this into their teen and adult life. The #1 tenant should be ‘do no harm,’ right? Especially with children. They’re so vulnerable.”