A new Voice Unearthed blog post, “I could do techniques really, really well when working with a therapist.” is from a series of interviews that shaped the narrative of my next book, VoiceS Unearthed: The Impact of Early Intervention on Those Who Continue to Stutter. (Names of interviewees have been changed for reasons of confidentiality.)

Serena, age 35

Ultimately Serena found speech therapists who helped her to get back to a steady place and undo a lot of the fluency shaping angst that she had learned.

“I remember my first time taking speech therapy. I was enrolled in a private school, but speech therapy at the public schools was free. Insurance wouldn’t cover private therapy and my parents would have to pay really high fees out of pocket. Every Wednesday Mom took me to the public school for speech therapy. From what I remember it was a lot of slow speech and prolongations. I didn’t have any negative thoughts about going to speech because it wasn’t at the school I went to so none of the kids knew me. I never had to get pulled out of class. I know a lot of people have a negative connotation because of that.

The speech therapist kept telling me to go home and practice and I never practiced. I mean, I was five. This was something I was supposed to do, should be doing. I’m pretty sure that the morning of the therapy I would frantically do whatever homework I had been given only because she gave me some sort of trinket. When I was with her I was able to use the techniques—I can do techniques really, really well when working with a therapist. It’s in the outside world where I can’t use them.

After that I didn’t do much stuttering therapy. My mom took me to my first stuttering conference when I was 12. A part of me really hated watching other people stutter. I knew that was weird, but I was trying to distance myself from the community. As soon as the conference finished, I remember saying to my mom, ‘well, I’m not like them.’ Seeing people stutter made me feel shame so I wanted to distance myself further. I wasn’t analyzing it that much at that age—but a part of me knew that wanting to distance myself from those people wasn’t great.

By high school, my stutter became severe, and I didn’t talk near as much. On top of the teen angst, I felt isolated. I didn’t do speech therapy again until I went to college and received therapy from a speech therapist student on campus. There were no big changes in my speech. After college I decided to go to graduate school because I was afraid to go out into the world. If I was in a very high-stress situation I couldn’t even get words or sounds out, so I figured I’d just stay in school. I could kick myself for that a million times now.

A turning point:

While in grad school, my teacher said, ‘your speech is a problem.’ I agreed. That’s when I started seeing a therapist focused more on acceptance and avoidance reduction rather than speech tools. For the first time the goal was to become comfortable with myself. This approach to therapy helped me to change the way I think about myself as a person who stutters and as a speaker overall. They helped me to validate my opinions by saying them. Big changes started to happening when I learned about positive restructuring.  These therapists helped me to get back to a steady place and undo a lot of the fluency shaping angst that I had learned.

I’m super happy that my journey led me to this therapy approach because it’s changed me as a person overall. It’s given me the confidence to put myself out there. Now that I don’t have the pressure to be fluent and my stutter is just accepted as an accent or way of speaking, I produce better work. I can come to you not worried about what I’m saying. Well, I always worry about what I’m saying having nothing to do with stuttering.

I’ve become an online influencer in a field not related to stuttering at all. This means I’m constantly explaining to people, hey, I have a stutter—so I’m talking to people who don’t stutter and normalizing stuttering in a non-stuttering setting. I love that I’m big in this field that has nothing to do with stuttering. Thousands of people watch my insta-stories and I stutter in all of them. People message me with ‘that’s a great point’ not with ‘I can’t understand you.’ If you can find something you care very strongly about, your speech won’t be an issue.”